Why am I dithering?????

Gawd, I am really struggling with my decisions about Diesel at the moment.

He hasnt been up to Weiti much as the first he had a small abcess and was just a bit off so didnt want him worked.....and since then the weather Gods have been miserable and it has not stopped raining.

So he was supposed to go up again today but Weiti Station have had their arena redone and it was being levelled off so again had to postone....but as the float was already hitched to my car I thought I would just do a bit of float training with the boy.

I was nervous but had no reason to be atall. Once again he was a gem and we ust had some really lovely moments together. Sounds terribly soppy but it was actually quite touching seeing him really put his trust in me and me in him. Something clicked again today with us and I just dont know if I am ready to give up totally on a horse that I have owned for 4 years just because we are at different stages of our riding.

I think if I had continued riding when I first got him it would be a different story but I didnt, I have not ridden properly for these 4 years so I need to get back into it again.

A few weeks ago I rode Anna's percheron x, Cruise in the forest and didnt have a care in the world....and then the next week I rode a clyde x mare called Breeze and again had a blast with no worries atall. In fact Breeze was available to lease and as I need something to get me back into riding I have got her here and to be honest it is wonderful, if I want to go anywhere I just load her on the float and away we go...and I dont worry!

So, my concern with selling Diesel is what IF he is my perfect horse, but just not yet....what IF i make a really big mistake selling him....what IF i lease him out for a couple of years to someone while I have fun with Breeze and get my confidence back up there...so many questions with only me to answer them!??!?!?!?!

It really is doing my head in, one day I know its right to sell him, and then after a day like today all I want to do it keep him. I really do love the fella and will miss him terribly....arrrggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess time will tell.